belllaculllen's JumboTweets
- ***On Kristen Getting Critiqued for The 'Almost' Hand-hold***
by Scan AKA BelllaCulllen
Let me state this, and then I'll shut up, lol:
This stuff really does need to stop, IMO. LOOK, they were there as 3 young actors who are part of a huge franchise nom'd for awards. PERIOD.
This was NOT Rob and Kris 'coming out,' party.
God forbid, and heaven help them, if they choose to come out at the cheesiest award show in the HISTORY of cheese.
Not to take away from Kristen, or Twi, or Johnny Depp's win, but the PCAs historically, have been somewhat of a joke.
They are not prestigious, they are far, FAR from it...it is a popularity contest, on par with MTV, except I think it's less illustrious even than that, as MTV doesn't really take itself that seriously.
Obviously, in our 'new' celebrity culture, any red carpet nowadays becomes a hot ticket, so you get all the tabloid staples and people deemed popular who show up (see The Kardashian family)...but I recall a time, when no star 'of note,' even went to the proceedings. If that's changing, swell. But Kristen has been in the biz long enough, she knows exactly what these particular awards mean.
No way, is she (or Rob) giving that show the goods on their relationship. NO. WAY. No way, are they 'selling it,' at The People's Choice Awards.
For Kris, I'm sure she was focused on the 3 musketeers aspect of the franchise. Taylor technically didn't need to be there, and for all we know, Kris and Rob may have pleaded for PCA to make it a threesome, JUST so they COULD have a buffer.
Can you imagine if they had come alone to the PCAs, arriving together, leaving together, holding hands just the two of them?? There it would have been...and it would have happened not at the Oscars, not the BAFTAs, not the Golden Globes, not the SAGs, not at their own intimate dinner for 2, or ceremony...but the headlines would read: 'Robsten comes out at the People's Choice Awards!!!!!'
No way in HELL would they want that.
They probably BEGGED Tay to come, and Kris (and Rob) were going to make DAMN sure they were being ALL inclusive with Taylor, so he did not FEEL like the 3rd wheel with the HOT COUPLE.
That's why she was chummy with Taylor, because she is his chum, as is Rob, and they BOTH wanted him there WITH THEM.
I think Kris is a considerate affectionate great friend to Taylor, and is not the least bit self involved - she wants him to be a part of celebrating their franchise, and she includes him in her affections (AS A FRIEND) - I think it's beautiful...and it's indicative of why Rob loves her.
Any other famewhoring starlet, the likes of which, a LOT were at the PCAs, would have said 'FCK Tay, I want to lay claim to Rob on this cheesy TV show, and Tay doesn't even need to be here, soaking up OUR sun.'
Rob loves Kristen, PRECISELY because she is the farthest from THAT, that you can get.
- Just read that James Franco wanted to parody Rpatz as Edward (I guess) for his Oscar gig (he's hosting this year, it was announced last week, with Anne Hathaway).
(Sigh)
Dear James Franco,
Look dude, don't make me NOT like you.
You're an up and coming now respected young actor (30?), finally breaking out and getting what many young actors dream of, an Oscar nomination (rumored, for his performance in '127 hours').
Why is it necessary, to further stigmatize/typecast in stone, Robert Pattinson's vampire character (it's parodied on Fallon, and on the Simpsons, and all over the web, that's PLENTY).
Hey James Franco, why don't you let Pattinson, get his chance, like you got yours, to work and be other things besides the hugely successful popular vampire Edward Cullen. I'm sure you know, being an academic and all (registering for classes at Harvard? or Princeton was it? ..last I heard), about the history of film, and film actors. Bela Lugosi, and Christopher Lee, had a tough as hell time, breaking out of that box. Why make it harder on a young actor you really don't know. Especially when you're getting ready to possibly nab an Oscar yourself.
That's just a bit selfish.
It's going to be hard enough for Pattinson, since the character is so all encompassing and far reaching and yes, parodied up the wazoo.
If it were Johnny Depp's Captain Sparrow, that would be something else entirely - Depp is 46, has played varied and acclaimed roles for the last 20 years, and it was only in the last few that he's had this pop culture phenom. In other words, he was ESTABLISHED.
Let Robert have his chance to be established, like Depp, like YOU, Mr Franco.
Lest we think you want to bury Robert because you can't stand a good dose of healthy competition.
As handsome as you are, I'm sure you too, would look great in a grey peacoat, bronze hair and pale white dead skin.
The fact that you want to demonstrate that on a world stage, leads me to believe, you're not as eccentric, and non-egoiste, as you'd like people to believe.
Sorry James Franco, get your own world wide beloved phenomenonal character, based on your own merits and your own creation.
No fair absconding with Roberts.
Sorry, but I'm just a bit sick of the fcking PARODIES. In my opinion, when it gets to be TOO constant, start looking at people who may have ulterior motives, and MIGHT just be more than a bit resentful and want to denigrate or typecast the actor, or both.
Fallon's little latenight schtick, was fine...he was the only one out there doing it, kind of riffing on Rob's personality and Britishisms. He actually took Rob OUT of the vampire genre and EC character. Plus, he's late night. It was a small thing.
But everyone else? Including Daniel Radcliffe, and Franco, can F* off.
BC. - Tags: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, One Republic, Jay Leno.
<i>*Inspired by tweets K got the once over by the lead singer from One Republic. Bahaha</i>
<b>A MINI MINI-FIC by SCAN
The Green Tweety Monster.</b>
<b>Jella:</b> Dad?
<b>Jella:</b> DAD!!!?!!! OFF the computer now!!!
<b>Rob:</b> B-but these tweets, they're killing me! What is that fcker looking at my bb for??!! Arrrgghh!!
<b>Jella:</b> You're just gonna make yourself sick Flip, you can't control eyeballs. The covered from head to toe thing doesn't even work, and you picked that outfit out for her yourself!
<b>Rob:</b>(Sobs) I know.
<b>Jella:</b> I'm pouring you a drink, mom will be home soon. Hold it together Dad. Jeez.
- <b>A MINI</b> MINI-FIC by SCAN
- A MINI-FIC by SCAN
THE MALL
Jella: (screams) Get me outta here. I'm hot Dad.
Rob: Jella, now remember what I told you. They don't allow cats in malls. You have to pretend to be a baby wrapped in this binkie that I'm holding. Now make a baby noise.
Jella: meow.
Rob: A baby noise, Jella.
Jella: meeeooowww.
Rob: For the love of -
Tom: Like this Jella, 'waaah.'
Jella: meow...waaah.
Rob: Oh it's useless, just don't say anything Jella. Not a peep.
Jella: Peep.
Rob: I mean it!
Jella: Oh, alright. You better buy me a toy for this while we're in there, and I want an ice cream cone - two scoops. Dad? DAD?!
Rob: (sigh) Deal.
Jella: Hee. Why are we stopping anyway, we were almost to Mom!
Rob: I need fresh underpants and socks, Mom will kill me if I come in there funking up her hotel room.
Jella: Thank GOD. I was being asphyxiated in the back seat sitting next to your dirty laundry. We should burn the whole lot.
Rob: Shhh. Here comes a sales lady! Hello, mam - can you direct me to the men's department.
Jella: My Dad needs new underpants lady, in a bad way!
Rob: Oh my GO- Jella!! Shhh!!!
Sales lady: Oh how precious, your baby is so tiny to be talking so early.
Tom: Yeah, he was a preemie. He's just small for his age.
Jella: Am not.
Tom: Are too.
Jella: Am NOT!
Sales lady: (laughs) Oh! Are you two together (looks at Rob and Tom)...? Is this your baby?
Jella: Bahaha! Yeah lady, they're 'my two Dads.' Hahahaha. Wait til I tell Mom! Hahahaha! (rolling on Rob's shoulder).
Rob: Jella Shhhh!!
Sales lady: What an intelligent infant - may I see him?
Rob & Tom: NO!!!
Rob: I'm sorry Mam - no, he's got a slight cold, a-and he's very shy.
Jella: aah-choo.
Sales lady: Oh bless you honey. (Rubs Jella's head thru the blanket. Jella purrs). Oh my, he purred!!
Tom: Yeah, we have a cat at home, and the kid has taken to impersonating him.
Jella: UNDERPANTS, LADY! Where are they?!
Sales lady: (jumps) Yes! Oh! Right this way!
Jella: No thongs.
Tom: No bikinis.
(Tom and Jella laugh)
Rob: Shut. UP. You two are so immature.
Jella: Hey Lady, where's the ice cream department?
Sales lady: We don't have one.
Jella: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Sales lady: Oh hon' shhhh...shhhh!! I meant we don't have one in this store. It's right out in the mall, in the food court.
Jella: The food court. Whatsa' food court?
Tom: A court where there's nothing but food - all kinds.
Jella: Do they have tuna fiiiiiiiish?
Tom: Ugh. Probably. Like in a sandwich or something.
Jella: Okay, I want tuna fish and ice cream! Yay.
Sales lady: (mutters under breath) Men, feeding that baby ice cream and tuna fish.(shakes head)
Jella: Are you buying Mom some panties too Dad? You should, she says you rip her panties off her all the time.
Rob: Jella!! Shhhh!!!
Sales lady: Oh my WORD!!!
- Regarding the "Kristen" virgin comment: IT'S A FAKE
courtesy, Cardinal23 at Robsten Angels
The REAL Kristen never answered that question.
It wasn't asked in an interview or anything.
There is this thing called "form spring" where people can ask you questions and you answer them. There were some naive, and I'm guessing young, girls on twitter asking "Kristen Stewart" questions on formspring and "Kristen Stewart" was answering them. Assuring them that she was in fact Kristen, saying she didn't have a twitter, Facebook etc... only a formspring and she liked it because fans could ask her questions and she could answer them.
here is the link to 'fake Kristen' answering fan questions:
http://www.formspring.me/Kristenstew
Obviously it is complete Bullsh*t, but some fans don't know that and were all excited thinking the real Kristen was answering their questions, and they retweeted all the formspring stuff.
THAT is where the "are you a virgin?" question came from, it was asked to "Kristen" on formspring and "Kristen" answered it.
Not only would Kris not have a formspring, but you can just TELL from the answers that it wasn't her. Also the way "Kristen" spelled all her words was not the American way. Example she spelled it "Favourite" instead of the American way, "favorite."
People are gullible and fall for things that they want to be true, so they run with it and repeat it.
The real Kristen was never actually answered that invasive question, and she never has answered it.
- <b>A MINI-FIC by SCAN</b>
<b><u>MINE.</u></b>
<i>*Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.</i>
<b>Rob:</b> (strumming guitar, composing...exasperatedly looks at Jella w/ his squeak toy) Arrrrggh! (Sighs) Uh, Jella?
<b>Jella:</b> (Squeak, squeak, squeak...barely paying attention in new toy ecstasy) Yeah? (squeak, squeak, squeak)
<b>Rob:</b> Um, no offense. Your squeaking sounds lovely, but --
<b>Jella:</b> (squeak squeak squeak) Thanks Flip. (squeak, squeak, squeak...)
<b>Rob:</b> I'm trying to play a composition.
<b>Jella:</b> Me too.
<b>Rob:</b> (sighs) Where'd you get that anyway? Is that new?
<b>Jella:</b> (squeak, squeak, squeak) Yup.
<b>Rob:</b> Aww, Mom got you a new toy before she left, hunh.
<b>Jella:</b> (Squeak, squeak - ) Um, er, not exactly Flip.
<b>Rob:</b> Oh, yeah - who? Grandpa Stew? Grandma Stew? Cam?
<b>Jella:</b> (wide-eyed, squeaking has stopped...Jell is just clutching his toy, trying to think fast...) Um, a friii-end.
<b>Rob:</b> (Eagle-eyeing Jellz. Something is up.) Okay, Mom didn't buy it, no one in the family bought it...what 'friends' do you even have Jella?
<b>Jella:</b> I beg your pardon Flippy, I'll have you know I have plenty of friends who love me. Well they're Mom's friends actually. But hey - love my mom, love me. That's how it works around here Flip.
<b>Rob:</b> (Mutters) Don't I know it. So you're saying one of Mom's friends got you a new toy? When was this.
<b>Jella:</b> (gives assessing side-eye) Um, in Montreal (squeak).
<b>Rob:</b> (exhales, laughs) Somebody on set eh? Makeup? Hair?
<b>Jella:</b> Nope, Uncle Ferret.
<b>Rob:</b> Uncle who?! Who's THAT?
<b>Jella:</b> Yeah, he's in the movie.
<b>Rob:</b> Ferret F*kin WHO??!!
<b>Jella:</b> That's not his last name Flippy.
<b>Rob:</b> Then what IS his last name?!
<b>Jella:</b> Hedgehog. (squeak, squeak)
<b>Rob:</b> Hedgehog??!! Quit messing with me Jella. Whose this guy giving you toys trying to get in good with Kris!! Spit it out!!
<b>Jella:</b> Sheesh. Calm down Flippy. I told you. Ferret. Ferret Hedgehog.
<b>Rob:</b> WTF! That's no real person's name, Ferr-- !! Hold on! Ferret?? Garret?? Do you mean Garret Hedlund?!! GARRET HEDLUND?!!
<b>Jella:</b> Yeah, that's him! Garret. Hee. Kinda your height, blondie, extraordinarily handsome if you like that sort of thing.
<b>Rob:</b> Arrrrrrrggggghhhhh!!! You're kidding me?! How long has this been going on, random men, just giving you toys because they like MY girl.
<b>Jella:</b> Oh, my poor naive Flip. You have no idea. Follow me. (pads down hallway, to a small storage closet) Open it.
<b>Rob:</b> (Warily looks at Jella, opens door - and is promptly buried knee deep in brand new kitty toys). JELLA!!!
<b>Jella:</b> What??!! (Grumbles) I can't help it if dudes trying to be nice to Mom, bury me in toys. How is that my fault?
<b>Rob:</b> Listen here, I am your father little Mister. You need to tell me when this happens. You can't accept any more toys from...ugh, dudes.
<b>Jella:</b> Oh ratz. Well, okay I guess - but you have to buy me a toy a week, because that's how often some dude panting after Mom would lay one on me.
<b>Rob:</b> (Fuming) WHAT???!!!
<b>Jella:</b> Seriously dude, I sell these suckers on ebay. I turn quite the lucrative profit. Mom's like, a dude and toy magnet.
<b>Rob:</b> Grrrrr, tell me about it!
<b>Jella:</b> See all the little toy wolfies - I think you can guess who those are from.
<b>Rob:</b> Lautner?! That sniveling little --
<b>Jella:</b> ...and, all the amusement park stuffed animals?
<b>Rob & Jella</b> (in unison): Eisenberg.
<b>Jella:</b> The little toy rubber squeaky stethoscope is from Peter.
<b>Rob:</b> P-fach??!! P-fach is MARRIED!!!
<b>Jella:</b> (Sighs)... <<<<<< N.B from Jumbotweet: auto-truncated at 4K characters on index page - Click here or on the "view" link to see entire jumbotweet! http://www.jumbotweet.com/ltweets/view/2668 - <b>test</b>
- A MINI-FIC by SCAN
CAT-USINTERRUPTUS!
Rob: Argh! Jella get off me!
Jella: You're smothering Mom.
Rob: Goddami- I am not! Jella, scram! Now!
Jella: Nope. (push-pulls Rob's butt)
Rob: Aggggghhh! Quit it! Get off me.
Jella: Get off her.
Rob: You get off me.
Jella: I'll get off you if you get off her.
Rob:(Sighs) Okay, you first.
Jella: No. You first.
Rob: Arrrrggghhh! Kris get him off, how can I - I mean, how am I supposed to -- he's messing with my mojo!!
Kris: (laughing, from under Rob) Jellz, precious? Flippy wants to go sleepy - go lay down.
Jella: You can't fool me Mom. Flippy's not sleepy, he's wide awake, and his butts moving.
Kris: I'll give you a treat if you go lay down.
Jella: I had a treat.
Kris: When did you have a treat?
Jella: I had some tic tacs - but they weren't that minty. Weird.
Kris: What??!! (Alarmed now)
Jella: (Scared cuz Mom is scared) Um, y-yeah, they were in a little pink plastic-y thing.
Kris: Dear God. Flip, get off me!
Rob: Why are you taking HIS side??!!
Kris: Babe, I'm not -- I think Jella ate my pills.
Rob: (Falls on floor laughing) J-Jella ate birth control pills??!!
Jella: (Screams in fear) Mom!! What are birth control pills?
Kris: They're so you don't have babies.
Jella: (Hollers, screams, terrified) Oh noooooooo, I can't have babies!! I always wanted baby cats....ooooh nooooooz. (Sobs, is inconsolable)
Rob: (Sighs) Jella, you are a male cat. You can't have babies anyway.
Jella: (Stops rolling to and fro in abject misery) Oh. Really? Phew. Hee. Okay. (Cheesey smile)
Kris: Well, um, hon...hee - looks like you won't be, uh, smothering me til we get this refilled.
Rob: Arrrrrrrgggghhh! NOOOOO!!! (Throws death glare at Jella, eyes hotel window...wonders if Jella would land on his feet from 14 stories).
Jella: (eyes bug) Geez Flip. What'd I do? Mommy, Flippy's being mean.
Kris: That's enough out of you little Mister. Go lay down. Quit yanking Flippy's chain.
Rob: Thanks to him I'll be yanking my own chai--
Kris: (admonishing) Rob!!
Rob: (Lays back down, grabs Kris in a bear hug, groans in frustrationand whispers...) If there is a God, the hormones will make Jellz sprout cat boobies by morning.
(Pause, beat. Robsten erupts in peals of laughter)
Jella: What's so funny?
Robsten in sing-songy unison: Nothinnnng. - A MINI-FIC by Scan:
Rob & Jellz VS The Papz
(Riiiinnnng, Riiiinnnng, Riiiiinnng)
Jella: Come on, come on, come on!!
Kris: (Groggy) Hello? Jellz?
Jella: (((Mommy!!))
Kris: (Wide awake) What? Jellz what is it??
Jella: Rob still isn't home yet (sniffles). Me skeered.
Kris: Oh, Jellz - I'm so sorry. Flip is probably on his way right now. Want me to call-- whoops, hold on, that's call waiting.
Jella: Mommy!
Kris: Jella hold on.
*Clicks over.
Kris: Rob?
Rob: (((Mommy!!))) Me skeered.
Kris: (breathless) What is it babe?!
Rob: Arrrrghh! These fckers are literally attached to the back of the car, tailing me to get to the house!!
Kris: Rob honey, please calm down. I want you to pull over and ask them nicely to leave off.
Rob: Pull over? PULL OVER??!! The queen of flipping the bird wants me to 'ask them nicely?'
Kris: You'll catch more flies with honey.....
Rob: Who wants fcking flies?!
Kris: Well, bees, I mean...
Rob: I DON'T WANT BEES EITHER!!
Kris: OMG Flip, calm down...you can't get mad, think of Jellz, he's all alone at home freaking out.
Rob: Great! You'll be blaming me for Jella's nervous breakdown if I don't make it back.
Kris: What do you mean?? You don't think you can go home??
Rob: It's bad babe. It's all I can do to even drive.
Kris: Oh my God. Those mothrfckers! That's it! pull over now and call the police - I mean it Rob, now. I don't want anything to happen - this is too dangerous.
Rob: (Sigh) ****! Okay. Okay babe.
*Kris cell rings while she's on the landline.
Kris: Yes, who is it??
Jella: I'm on two phones!! TWO!! You just left me hanging, while you gab with your precious Flip!!
Kris: Jellz, Rob's in trouble - the papz are tailing him to the house! He's freaking out, like, WORSE than you.
Jella: No surprise.
Rob: I heard that. Kris the police are here - I'm gonna talk to them and call you back.
Kris: Okay babe, it'll be alright...deep breaths.
Rob: (inhales, exhales) Call you in a minute Kris.
Kris: Oh Jellz, this is so eff'd up.
Jella: Who are you telling? It's dark, I'm all alone, and my food supply is dwindling. I feel like I'm wasting away.
Kris: Your overweight as is Jella, you'll be fine.
Jella: I beg your pardon. I can see my ribs. I'm hungry.
Kris: Ha! See your ribs. You have reverse anorexia. You think you're skinny, but you're a chubster.
Jella: Shut up Robust butt girl - you don't hear me telling you to cut back on the hot pockets and loquat pies?
*Riiiing, Riiiinng
Kris: Hold on that's Rob.
Rob: Babe, the cops recommend I hunker down at a hotel - says there are too many of them out tonight, and they'll follow me all the way to the front door, so I'm going to the Chateau.
Kris: Oh Rob, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this after a long day at work - are you okay?
Rob: Yeah, I'm fine...now...since I'm talking to you. Um, will Jella be okay? Tell him I hate leaving him hanging.
Kris: I will, he's on my cell listening to this entire exchange and wailing...and cursing...something about sniveling little prats.
Rob: Tell him I will make him a whole grilled salmon for breakfast tomorrow and beg his forgiveness on bended knee.
Kris: He heard you, he says, and this is a quote: "King Chinook Salmon w/ a Teriyaki Glaze, and you have to wear a waiter's jacket and red cumberbun and feed it to him," and oh, says he's "sleeping in our bed tonight, and using your horrid puffy brown leather as a pillow."
Rob: (laughing) Alrighty then! If he's giving orders I know he'll survive.
Kris: How about you?
Rob: I. Miss. You. Bad.
Kris: (tremulously) Oh, Flip - I miss you too babe. I love you, get some rest.
Rob: I'll be dreaming of you in 3 cold ones and 45 minutes from now. Night babe.
Kris: (laughs) Night Rob.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- A MINI-FIC by Scan (Rob, TomStu & Jellz at the Drive-Thru)
Jella: Oh my God.
Jella: (yells) Oh my GOD!!!
Rob: (Startled, screeches brakes, practically whiplashes TomStu) What the f- what is it now?!
Jella: (rustles bag frantically, screams) Where's my vanilla shake??!!! Where is it?! Stop!! Wait!! Go back, GO BAAAAACK!
Rob: Calm down.
Jella: Calm down, CALM DOWN!! I don't ask for big a s s hamburgers and cheese, I don't ask for fries, I don't ask for fried apple pies. I'm A CAT. I just want one thing, ONE THING and this is how you treat me Flip???!!
Rob: Jella, it was an honest mistake. (winks at TomStu to play along) They must have forgotten. How about we go home and I MAKE you a yummy homemade vanilla shake? We've got ice cream.
TomStu: Oh, good one mate - brits are known for vanilla shakes.
Jella: What??!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! You LIE! Brits are known for fish and chips!! What are you gonna do, put that in a blender and make it extra creamy?!!
TomStu: (laughs) Ha! Good one Jella! I agree w/ you - I was being sarcastic. Americans rule frozen dairy, I will admit.
Jella: **** skippy! Now TURN THIS CAR AROUND!! Ugh!! Get me outta this thing! I'm going back! (struggles against straps, pants, writhes in frustration in his baby car seat).
Rob: Hey little Mister, settle down back there. Kris will have my a s s if you're not strapped in properly.
Jella: She'll have your a s s when I call and tell her you FORGOT MY SHAAAAKE!!!!!! (furiously dials cell)
Rob: (To Tomstu) Grab that phone! (TomStu turns around, swipes it).
Rob: (eyes Tom, they share a shared internal 'Phew!') Jella, love, calm down. Shhhh. Shhhh, it's okay. (Does a U-turn) We're going back now. See.
*Jella frantically looking, eyes In and Out approaching on right, calms down, emits cheesy grin.
Jella: Heh. ...and make it an extra EXTRA large, Flippy.
Rob: (Sighs) Alright.
Jella: With a cherry on top. Mom always gets me a cherry on top. Hee.
Rob: Anything else?
TomStu: Whip cream Jellz?
Rob: (side eye) You're not helping mate.
Jella: Why thank you, my little reed thin Brit, whip cream would be nice indeed. Flippy, you have thoughtful friends. Oh, and GIVE ME BACK MY EFFING CELL!!
*Tom, sheepishly hands phone to Jella.
*Jella starts singing and bouncing as they roll up to the drive thru again.
In & Out order taker: Yes may I help you sir?
Rob: (to speaker) An extra large vanilla shake please.
Jella: What the- (throws paws up in disgust, dials Kristen's cell...)
Rob: Oh, wait - miss?! Miss??!! CHERRIES!! Cherries on top please, a couple if you wouldn't mind? Thanks.
Jella: (quickly ends call). That's what I'm talkin' bout Flippy. Da m n, you boys are not easy to train. Yippeeee, my shakes here, my shakes here!! Get me a straw, and extra napkins...(SLURPS LOUDLY)...mmmmm, me luv banillba.
*Chevy rolls out of drive-thru....
TomStu: Dude?
Rob: What?
TomStu: We need to go back mate, my burgers cold now.
Rob: ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!
*Tom and Jella give each other the air fistbump. - *This new fic was inspired by celtic's post on Robsten Angels - she shared a blurb about Rob's misadventures on the set of WFE w/ a toothless lion.
A MINI-FIC by SCAN: Jealous Jella
Jella: Psssst.
Jella: PSSSSST!
Kristen: What?!
Jella: Shhh! Do you even know what 'pssst,' means? It means keep it down. I don't want someone to hear.
Kristen: (whispers) Okay, what?
Jella: Since I am the love of your life --
Kristen: (raises one eyebrow, cutting Jella off).
Jella: Since I am the love of your life, I thought I should be the one to break the bad news....
Kristen: (amused) Oh, really...and what would that be mellow jellow.
Jella: You have been betrayed. The mad cows on the internet aren't so far off the mark.
Jella: Brace yourself. I smell the oh-dear of another feline upon Flippy's person. (dramatically hugs Kristen to console her) My poor poor broken-heartedStew, that's it cry it out. Cry it out...then we'll pack his things and boot him out together.
Kristen: Jellz. I'm not crying.
Jella: I know, I know...shhhh, you're in shock...deep breaths Stewies, deep breaths.
Kristen: I'm okay, really.
Jella: Okay? OKAY?! Have you no pride woman!! The man has been cavorting with another feline behind my - um, I mean your, BACK! Pretty gamey by the stench of her. My guess is, a very large tabby with a big butt. Bigger than yours even.
Kristen: Gee, thanks J.
Jella: What is wrong with you?! When have you turned into his own personal doormat?! (Hisses) At least tell him to hose down outside before he comes in here!(Seethes as he watches Rob kill a beer in the kitchen, pounces on Rob's Long Beach cap and bites a hole in the top).
Kristen: Jella stop, calm down!! Flippy was working!
Jella: Pffft! That's what they all say! (whips the cap around the room, and lands on the puffy brown leather, claws first).
Kristen: Heh. Do your worst. I hate that jacket.
Jella: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!! You are NOT normal. He betrayed us, he's betrayed uuuuussss.....(falls to floor sobbing, rolling to and fro).
Rob: (comes in balancing a plate of Nachos and two beers, kisses Stew, curiously eyes an inconsolable Jell) Hey sweetie, what's up with Miss J?
Jella beats Rob to bed, curling up on Rob's side, and hissing.
Kristen: Jella smells the big cat on you, she thinks your cheating on us.
Rob: That's hilarious - you're such a drama queen dude. The cat's my co-star. We wrestled all day today. You are such a Fool-ine. (laughs at his own bad play on words).
Jella: Big cat? Like a big a s s tabby?
Rob: Uh, no.
Jella: Big cat, as in...
Rob & Kristen (simultaneously): A LION.
Rob: My new bestie, might I add (pointedly said to Jella).
Jella: ****. I didn't know you rolled like that Flip. (Looks at Rob w/ new eyes, moves from his spot, lands on floor)
Kristen: Wow babe, I think you've managed to impress Jellz. That takes some doing.
Rob: Single-mindedly rolls over to Kristen, starts snogging her face.
Jella: Wait! I wanna hear more lion stories!
Rob: Tomorrow.
Jella: Dude, come on.
Rob: Later (nom, nom, nom)
Jella: Arrrgh! No fair! (Sighs, pads towards door, muttering...) Maybe he can impress me tomorrow by wrestling an alligator while wearing a pair of meat shorts.
Rob & Kris: We heard that!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ - [b]A MINI-FIC by Scan[/b] Jella VS Rob
(((THUMP)))) [i]From floor....[/i]((MEOW!!! HISSSSS))
Kris: (groggy) ((((ROB!!! STOP!!)))
Rob: (sounding equally groggy) What?!!
[i]Jella hops up again, and is again, carefully nudged over the side by a large bare size 12 foot.[/i]
(THUMP!) [i]Angry caterwauling ensues...[/i]
Kris: Rob!! Stop it!! I'm not kidding, that is so not nice - just let him up.
Rob: No, he'll scratch me privates like last time.
Kris: Well, go put some bottoms on, and then let him up.
Rob: No. (pouts) They chafe.
Kris: What's worse chafing or claws?
Rob: (Sighs heavily) Oh, alright. (Gets up)
Jella, seeing an opportunity, leaps in Rob's warm cozy spot, purring and rolling on his pillow.
Rob: This is so wrong.
Kris: (Scratching Jella's head) Hey bb, good morning. (loud purring)
Rob: (sighs) I'll go make coffee.
Jella: Hee. I'll have extra cream Roberto.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ - A MINI-FIC by Scan *(inspired by newly red-headed Stew)
Phone rings....
Kris: Hello
Rob: Yes, is Kristen Stewart there please?
Kris: (laughs) Uh, Flip, it's me.
Rob: Are you sure? Because my girlfriend Kris is a lovely sweet brunette, yet it appears some red-headed vamp has taken her over.
Kris: Vamp? Grrrr. I don't think you wannna go pi s s ing off the red head Flip, she might not be so nice when next she sees you?
Rob: (clears throat) Yeah well, she scares me.
Kris: Shut up.
Rob: Seriously, my knees are shaking.
Kris: You are making me jealous...of myself. Now stop.
Rob: Awww, babe don't worry about that, Brownstew will always rulz Redstew. Redstew is too spicy, will make me all clammy and sweaty. Brownstew goes down silky smooth and comforting.
Kris: Flippy, you're making Brownstew sound like a pair of warm fuzzy socks.
Rob: Excuse you! That's warm fuzzy SEXY socks.
Kris: Hmph. Great. Now, I'm gonna feel like you're cheating on me with Redstew when next we meet.
Rob: Kind of like how I felt you were cheating on me with crewcut stable boy Rob?!
Kris: Flippy, that's different!
Rob: How's that different?! (imitates Kristen's voice) 'Oh Rob I luuuv it!' 'It's hot!' How do you think floppy haired Rob felt to hear that??
Kris: Um...
Rob: That's right Missy. So you just let me have a little Redstew just like I give you your serving of stable boy.
Kris: Hee. (blushes)
Rob: Now for the love of God, hurry home babe!!
Kris: See you in 24 hours hon'!! ((mwah))
[IMG]http://i47.tinypic.com/14o9ml2.jpg[/IMG]
Early Morning MINI-FIC fr Scan
*(Inspired by the tweet about what was going on w/ the stew parents during the Belward makeout scene and the audience's subsequent orgasmic screaming, lolol)
Kristen: Flip, come on...the lights are going down inside.
Rob: Just one second love, I need something from the refreshment stand.
Kris: Okay, hurry!
Rob gets what he needs, rushes back inside, squeezes Kristen's waist, and takes his seat.
*(1 hour into the film later...Jacob is seen manhandling Bella into a sloppy smootch onscreen. Some cheers, but mostly jeers are heard throughout the audience. The Pattinson sisters are almost sliding out of their chairs in laughter. Soon everyone is in giggling in the cast section of the theater.)
Tay whispers to agent....
Taylor: I don't get what's so f*cking funny.
Agent: It's Pattinson.
Taylor looks over at Rob, who is sitting upright in his chair, soda in hand, but with an extra large empty popcorn bucket over his head, that he's obtained for just this particular part of the movie, of course.
Rob: Tap me when he's done molesting you.
Kris: Oh Flippy.- Courtesy Scan at Robsten Angels
Kristen 'Rape' Comment is a NON-Story & Double Standard
So, a 19-20 yr old kid is being raked over the coals for a rather astute analogy, when people use the word 'rape,' often and frequently, as an analogy for any kind of harsh deliberate destruction, intrusion, disrespect and brutal misuse of power (i.e., 'BP is raping our environment as we speak.')...why the double standard?
That means that for every time the analogy has been made, we have also heard this same judgemental outcry...??
Please. I don't think so.
I've been around for a little bit, and I consider myself well-read. I've often heard people use the word 'rape,' in various contexts (rape of the environment, rape of the economy by banking industry, etc)...but never have I seen the kind of scolding judgemental yammering leveled at someone (a kid really!) like this! A kid who gets assaulted on a daily basis by these papz thugs.
I once saw a youtube clip of someone yelling very crude disgusting things at this girl in front of her Dad at the airport. It was all he could do to not slam his fist in the thug's face.
What I don't understand about Hollywood, is why some people are excused for things they say and do, and others are excoriated. People seem to be lying in wait for Kristen specifically, out of envy, jealousy and bitterness - so she gets it extra hard in the media and by other women....it's almost identical to what Angelina Jolie, Katherine Heigl get.
Check out what Jennifer Aniston, a 40-something said about 'rape' that got only a little bit of coverage - not NEAR the scolding & criticism that Kristen, who is barely out of her teens got. I mean really, on what planet does it make sense to excoriate the younger, more beleagured person?:
"Aniston Loved Being Raped by Cassell in Derailed. Her Words".
...Aniston also admitted she had a slight crush on co-star Vincent Cassel - despite the fact they shot a harrowing r a p e scene together for the film. The actress added to Britain's GQ magazine: "If you're going to be raped in a movie, it may as well be Vincent Cassel."
Now, tell me - isn't the above comment, which is of the 'lay back and enjoy it,' kind, way more inappropriate than what Stewart said. If you didn't know that this other ubiquitous celeb said something like this, then ask yourself why? Why does Stewart get a smackdown, and Aniston doesn't?
Face it, for young women like Kristen, that have the enviable good fortune to be an 'IT' girl, talented, smart, successful, at the top of the current HW food chain and last but not least, rumored to the girlfriend of another young movie star, Robert Pattinson - you just get the sense that factions are going to have it in for her -- that she may get torn apart by other women.
Women, afterall, drive the gossip/celeb/entertainment industry for the most part, dictating what gets written - and at times, depending on who the 'star,' is and their level of personal appeal to a certain tabloid/blog reading demo, it seems there's either a deep-seated need to harshly criticize...
...or offer sweet benevolence.
In other words, apparently it's fine saying 'controversial' things if you are considered not a threat, and people tend to pity you...
...but if you are envied, or deemed as having it 'too good' (whatever that means to whomever), and you say something that can be twisted, they'll use it to punish you - and you will not hear the end of it.
It's called bullsh*t.
It's a shame that what's being lost is universal condemnation of a group of grown ass men, paid thugs, who yell crude nasty things at young girls, attempt to shoot up their skirts, and taunt them mercilessly.
Kristen Stewart runs contrary to the belief that every actor desires that kind of treatment - she stood up and expressed a need for more civilized treatment, and this is how the media treats her?
Sad.
68 people like this