A MINI-FIC by SCAN

THE MALL

Jella: (screams) Get me outta here. I'm hot Dad.

Rob: Jella, now remember what I told you. They don't allow cats in malls. You have to pretend to be a baby wrapped in this binkie that I'm holding. Now make a baby noise.

Jella: meow.

Rob: A baby noise, Jella.

Jella: meeeooowww.

Rob: For the love of -

Tom: Like this Jella, 'waaah.'

Jella: meow...waaah.

Rob: Oh it's useless, just don't say anything Jella. Not a peep.

Jella: Peep.

Rob: I mean it!

Jella: Oh, alright. You better buy me a toy for this while we're in there, and I want an ice cream cone - two scoops. Dad? DAD?!

Rob: (sigh) Deal.

Jella: Hee. Why are we stopping anyway, we were almost to Mom!

Rob: I need fresh underpants and socks, Mom will kill me if I come in there funking up her hotel room.

Jella: Thank GOD. I was being asphyxiated in the back seat sitting next to your dirty laundry. We should burn the whole lot.

Rob: Shhh. Here comes a sales lady! Hello, mam - can you direct me to the men's department.

Jella: My Dad needs new underpants lady, in a bad way!

Rob: Oh my GO- Jella!! Shhh!!!

Sales lady: Oh how precious, your baby is so tiny to be talking so early.

Tom: Yeah, he was a preemie. He's just small for his age.

Jella: Am not.

Tom: Are too.

Jella: Am NOT!

Sales lady: (laughs) Oh! Are you two together (looks at Rob and Tom)...? Is this your baby?

Jella: Bahaha! Yeah lady, they're 'my two Dads.' Hahahaha. Wait til I tell Mom! Hahahaha! (rolling on Rob's shoulder).

Rob: Jella Shhhh!!

Sales lady: What an intelligent infant - may I see him?

Rob & Tom: NO!!!

Rob: I'm sorry Mam - no, he's got a slight cold, a-and he's very shy.

Jella: aah-choo.

Sales lady: Oh bless you honey. (Rubs Jella's head thru the blanket. Jella purrs). Oh my, he purred!!

Tom: Yeah, we have a cat at home, and the kid has taken to impersonating him.

Jella: UNDERPANTS, LADY! Where are they?!

Sales lady: (jumps) Yes! Oh! Right this way!

Jella: No thongs.

Tom: No bikinis.

(Tom and Jella laugh)

Rob: Shut. UP. You two are so immature.

Jella: Hey Lady, where's the ice cream department?

Sales lady: We don't have one.

Jella: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Sales lady: Oh hon' shhhh...shhhh!! I meant we don't have one in this store. It's right out in the mall, in the food court.

Jella: The food court. Whatsa' food court?

Tom: A court where there's nothing but food - all kinds.

Jella: Do they have tuna fiiiiiiiish?

Tom: Ugh. Probably. Like in a sandwich or something.

Jella: Okay, I want tuna fish and ice cream! Yay.

Sales lady: (mutters under breath) Men, feeding that baby ice cream and tuna fish.(shakes head)

Jella: Are you buying Mom some panties too Dad? You should, she says you rip her panties off her all the time.

Rob: Jella!! Shhhh!!!

Sales lady: Oh my WORD!!!