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<b>A MINI-FIC by SCAN</b>
<b><u>MINE.</u></b>
<i>*Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.</i>
<b>Rob:</b> (strumming guitar, composing...exasperatedly looks at Jella w/ his squeak toy) Arrrrggh! (Sighs) Uh, Jella?
<b>Jella:</b> (Squeak, squeak, squeak...barely paying attention in new toy ecstasy) Yeah? (squeak, squeak, squeak)
<b>Rob:</b> Um, no offense. Your squeaking sounds lovely, but --
<b>Jella:</b> (squeak squeak squeak) Thanks Flip. (squeak, squeak, squeak...)
<b>Rob:</b> I'm trying to play a composition.
<b>Jella:</b> Me too.
<b>Rob:</b> (sighs) Where'd you get that anyway? Is that new?
<b>Jella:</b> (squeak, squeak, squeak) Yup.
<b>Rob:</b> Aww, Mom got you a new toy before she left, hunh.
<b>Jella:</b> (Squeak, squeak - ) Um, er, not exactly Flip.
<b>Rob:</b> Oh, yeah - who? Grandpa Stew? Grandma Stew? Cam?
<b>Jella:</b> (wide-eyed, squeaking has stopped...Jell is just clutching his toy, trying to think fast...) Um, a friii-end.
<b>Rob:</b> (Eagle-eyeing Jellz. Something is up.) Okay, Mom didn't buy it, no one in the family bought it...what 'friends' do you even have Jella?
<b>Jella:</b> I beg your pardon Flippy, I'll have you know I have plenty of friends who love me. Well they're Mom's friends actually. But hey - love my mom, love me. That's how it works around here Flip.
<b>Rob:</b> (Mutters) Don't I know it. So you're saying one of Mom's friends got you a new toy? When was this.
<b>Jella:</b> (gives assessing side-eye) Um, in Montreal (squeak).
<b>Rob:</b> (exhales, laughs) Somebody on set eh? Makeup? Hair?
<b>Jella:</b> Nope, Uncle Ferret.
<b>Rob:</b> Uncle who?! Who's THAT?
<b>Jella:</b> Yeah, he's in the movie.
<b>Rob:</b> Ferret F*kin WHO??!!
<b>Jella:</b> That's not his last name Flippy.
<b>Rob:</b> Then what IS his last name?!
<b>Jella:</b> Hedgehog. (squeak, squeak)
<b>Rob:</b> Hedgehog??!! Quit messing with me Jella. Whose this guy giving you toys trying to get in good with Kris!! Spit it out!!
<b>Jella:</b> Sheesh. Calm down Flippy. I told you. Ferret. Ferret Hedgehog.
<b>Rob:</b> WTF! That's no real person's name, Ferr-- !! Hold on! Ferret?? Garret?? Do you mean Garret Hedlund?!! GARRET HEDLUND?!!
<b>Jella:</b> Yeah, that's him! Garret. Hee. Kinda your height, blondie, extraordinarily handsome if you like that sort of thing.
<b>Rob:</b> Arrrrrrrggggghhhhh!!! You're kidding me?! How long has this been going on, random men, just giving you toys because they like MY girl.
<b>Jella:</b> Oh, my poor naive Flip. You have no idea. Follow me. (pads down hallway, to a small storage closet) Open it.
<b>Rob:</b> (Warily looks at Jella, opens door - and is promptly buried knee deep in brand new kitty toys). JELLA!!!
<b>Jella:</b> What??!! (Grumbles) I can't help it if dudes trying to be nice to Mom, bury me in toys. How is that my fault?
<b>Rob:</b> Listen here, I am your father little Mister. You need to tell me when this happens. You can't accept any more toys from...ugh, dudes.
<b>Jella:</b> Oh ratz. Well, okay I guess - but you have to buy me a toy a week, because that's how often some dude panting after Mom would lay one on me.
<b>Rob:</b> (Fuming) WHAT???!!!
<b>Jella:</b> Seriously dude, I sell these suckers on ebay. I turn quite the lucrative profit. Mom's like, a dude and toy magnet.
<b>Rob:</b> Grrrrr, tell me about it!
<b>Jella:</b> See all the little toy wolfies - I think you can guess who those are from.
<b>Rob:</b> Lautner?! That sniveling little --
<b>Jella:</b> ...and, all the amusement park stuffed animals?
<b>Rob & Jella</b> (in unison): Eisenberg.
<b>Jella:</b> The little toy rubber squeaky stethoscope is from Peter.
<b>Rob:</b> P-fach??!! P-fach is MARRIED!!!
<b>Jella:</b> (Sighs) Dad, of course he is - he loves Mom like a kid sister, get a hold of yourself.
<b>Jella:</b> (Finds a costume under the mountain of toys) Hee. Welch gave me this - it's a little grey peacoat and mini cullen wrist cuff for my paw. (Looks over sees Flip with head in his hands). Dad??
<b>Rob:</b> How long? How long has this been going on behind my back??
<b>Jella:</b> WHAT a drama queen. Do I need to tell you every time I get a new toy!!
<b>Rob:</b> ((((YES!!!)))) What have I been saying?!! I need to know, where, when what and who!!! From now on - you're my eyes and ears Jella! Men are dogs, they're just trying to butter you up, and in turn butter your mom up. Got it??
<b>Jella:</b> Whatever dude. I still think you're wound way too tight over this.
<b>Rob:</b> Hmmph. You would say that. You're being slathered in gifts.
<b>Jella:</b> Hee. I guess you have a point there. Oh well, it was good while it lasted. Shall I call Mom and tell her you are ordering her to turn down all toys for me from guys??
<b>Rob:</b> For F*'s sake!! GOD NO!! This is just between you and me. Just kindly refuse the attempts to blatantly buy you and your Mom's affections, and then tell me immediately.
<b>Jella:</b> Flippy, aren't you forgetting something??
<b>Rob:</b> Hunh? What?
<b>Jella:</b> When you first met Mom, within two weeks you bought me a customized vibrating heated Kitty water bed from Gucci.
<b>Rob:</b> (Turns beet red) Hey! That's different. I'm your father. Besides...she was meant to be mine. End of story.
<b> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </b>
<b><u>MINE.</u></b>
<i>*Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.</i>
<b>Rob:</b> (strumming guitar, composing...exasperatedly looks at Jella w/ his squeak toy) Arrrrggh! (Sighs) Uh, Jella?
<b>Jella:</b> (Squeak, squeak, squeak...barely paying attention in new toy ecstasy) Yeah? (squeak, squeak, squeak)
<b>Rob:</b> Um, no offense. Your squeaking sounds lovely, but --
<b>Jella:</b> (squeak squeak squeak) Thanks Flip. (squeak, squeak, squeak...)
<b>Rob:</b> I'm trying to play a composition.
<b>Jella:</b> Me too.
<b>Rob:</b> (sighs) Where'd you get that anyway? Is that new?
<b>Jella:</b> (squeak, squeak, squeak) Yup.
<b>Rob:</b> Aww, Mom got you a new toy before she left, hunh.
<b>Jella:</b> (Squeak, squeak - ) Um, er, not exactly Flip.
<b>Rob:</b> Oh, yeah - who? Grandpa Stew? Grandma Stew? Cam?
<b>Jella:</b> (wide-eyed, squeaking has stopped...Jell is just clutching his toy, trying to think fast...) Um, a friii-end.
<b>Rob:</b> (Eagle-eyeing Jellz. Something is up.) Okay, Mom didn't buy it, no one in the family bought it...what 'friends' do you even have Jella?
<b>Jella:</b> I beg your pardon Flippy, I'll have you know I have plenty of friends who love me. Well they're Mom's friends actually. But hey - love my mom, love me. That's how it works around here Flip.
<b>Rob:</b> (Mutters) Don't I know it. So you're saying one of Mom's friends got you a new toy? When was this.
<b>Jella:</b> (gives assessing side-eye) Um, in Montreal (squeak).
<b>Rob:</b> (exhales, laughs) Somebody on set eh? Makeup? Hair?
<b>Jella:</b> Nope, Uncle Ferret.
<b>Rob:</b> Uncle who?! Who's THAT?
<b>Jella:</b> Yeah, he's in the movie.
<b>Rob:</b> Ferret F*kin WHO??!!
<b>Jella:</b> That's not his last name Flippy.
<b>Rob:</b> Then what IS his last name?!
<b>Jella:</b> Hedgehog. (squeak, squeak)
<b>Rob:</b> Hedgehog??!! Quit messing with me Jella. Whose this guy giving you toys trying to get in good with Kris!! Spit it out!!
<b>Jella:</b> Sheesh. Calm down Flippy. I told you. Ferret. Ferret Hedgehog.
<b>Rob:</b> WTF! That's no real person's name, Ferr-- !! Hold on! Ferret?? Garret?? Do you mean Garret Hedlund?!! GARRET HEDLUND?!!
<b>Jella:</b> Yeah, that's him! Garret. Hee. Kinda your height, blondie, extraordinarily handsome if you like that sort of thing.
<b>Rob:</b> Arrrrrrrggggghhhhh!!! You're kidding me?! How long has this been going on, random men, just giving you toys because they like MY girl.
<b>Jella:</b> Oh, my poor naive Flip. You have no idea. Follow me. (pads down hallway, to a small storage closet) Open it.
<b>Rob:</b> (Warily looks at Jella, opens door - and is promptly buried knee deep in brand new kitty toys). JELLA!!!
<b>Jella:</b> What??!! (Grumbles) I can't help it if dudes trying to be nice to Mom, bury me in toys. How is that my fault?
<b>Rob:</b> Listen here, I am your father little Mister. You need to tell me when this happens. You can't accept any more toys from...ugh, dudes.
<b>Jella:</b> Oh ratz. Well, okay I guess - but you have to buy me a toy a week, because that's how often some dude panting after Mom would lay one on me.
<b>Rob:</b> (Fuming) WHAT???!!!
<b>Jella:</b> Seriously dude, I sell these suckers on ebay. I turn quite the lucrative profit. Mom's like, a dude and toy magnet.
<b>Rob:</b> Grrrrr, tell me about it!
<b>Jella:</b> See all the little toy wolfies - I think you can guess who those are from.
<b>Rob:</b> Lautner?! That sniveling little --
<b>Jella:</b> ...and, all the amusement park stuffed animals?
<b>Rob & Jella</b> (in unison): Eisenberg.
<b>Jella:</b> The little toy rubber squeaky stethoscope is from Peter.
<b>Rob:</b> P-fach??!! P-fach is MARRIED!!!
<b>Jella:</b> (Sighs) Dad, of course he is - he loves Mom like a kid sister, get a hold of yourself.
<b>Jella:</b> (Finds a costume under the mountain of toys) Hee. Welch gave me this - it's a little grey peacoat and mini cullen wrist cuff for my paw. (Looks over sees Flip with head in his hands). Dad??
<b>Rob:</b> How long? How long has this been going on behind my back??
<b>Jella:</b> WHAT a drama queen. Do I need to tell you every time I get a new toy!!
<b>Rob:</b> ((((YES!!!)))) What have I been saying?!! I need to know, where, when what and who!!! From now on - you're my eyes and ears Jella! Men are dogs, they're just trying to butter you up, and in turn butter your mom up. Got it??
<b>Jella:</b> Whatever dude. I still think you're wound way too tight over this.
<b>Rob:</b> Hmmph. You would say that. You're being slathered in gifts.
<b>Jella:</b> Hee. I guess you have a point there. Oh well, it was good while it lasted. Shall I call Mom and tell her you are ordering her to turn down all toys for me from guys??
<b>Rob:</b> For F*'s sake!! GOD NO!! This is just between you and me. Just kindly refuse the attempts to blatantly buy you and your Mom's affections, and then tell me immediately.
<b>Jella:</b> Flippy, aren't you forgetting something??
<b>Rob:</b> Hunh? What?
<b>Jella:</b> When you first met Mom, within two weeks you bought me a customized vibrating heated Kitty water bed from Gucci.
<b>Rob:</b> (Turns beet red) Hey! That's different. I'm your father. Besides...she was meant to be mine. End of story.
<b> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </b>