A MINI-FIC by Scan:

Rob & Jellz VS The Papz

(Riiiinnnng, Riiiinnnng, Riiiiinnng)

Jella: Come on, come on, come on!!

Kris: (Groggy) Hello? Jellz?

Jella: (((Mommy!!))

Kris: (Wide awake) What? Jellz what is it??

Jella: Rob still isn't home yet (sniffles). Me skeered.

Kris: Oh, Jellz - I'm so sorry. Flip is probably on his way right now. Want me to call-- whoops, hold on, that's call waiting.

Jella: Mommy!

Kris: Jella hold on.

*Clicks over.

Kris: Rob?

Rob: (((Mommy!!))) Me skeered.

Kris: (breathless) What is it babe?!

Rob: Arrrrghh! These fckers are literally attached to the back of the car, tailing me to get to the house!!

Kris: Rob honey, please calm down. I want you to pull over and ask them nicely to leave off.

Rob: Pull over? PULL OVER??!! The queen of flipping the bird wants me to 'ask them nicely?'

Kris: You'll catch more flies with honey.....

Rob: Who wants fcking flies?!

Kris: Well, bees, I mean...

Rob: I DON'T WANT BEES EITHER!!

Kris: OMG Flip, calm down...you can't get mad, think of Jellz, he's all alone at home freaking out.

Rob: Great! You'll be blaming me for Jella's nervous breakdown if I don't make it back.

Kris: What do you mean?? You don't think you can go home??

Rob: It's bad babe. It's all I can do to even drive.

Kris: Oh my God. Those mothrfckers! That's it! pull over now and call the police - I mean it Rob, now. I don't want anything to happen - this is too dangerous.

Rob: (Sigh) ****! Okay. Okay babe.

*Kris cell rings while she's on the landline.

Kris: Yes, who is it??

Jella: I'm on two phones!! TWO!! You just left me hanging, while you gab with your precious Flip!!

Kris: Jellz, Rob's in trouble - the papz are tailing him to the house! He's freaking out, like, WORSE than you.

Jella: No surprise.

Rob: I heard that. Kris the police are here - I'm gonna talk to them and call you back.

Kris: Okay babe, it'll be alright...deep breaths.

Rob: (inhales, exhales) Call you in a minute Kris.

Kris: Oh Jellz, this is so eff'd up.

Jella: Who are you telling? It's dark, I'm all alone, and my food supply is dwindling. I feel like I'm wasting away.

Kris: Your overweight as is Jella, you'll be fine.

Jella: I beg your pardon. I can see my ribs. I'm hungry.

Kris: Ha! See your ribs. You have reverse anorexia. You think you're skinny, but you're a chubster.

Jella: Shut up Robust butt girl - you don't hear me telling you to cut back on the hot pockets and loquat pies?

*Riiiing, Riiiinng

Kris: Hold on that's Rob.

Rob: Babe, the cops recommend I hunker down at a hotel - says there are too many of them out tonight, and they'll follow me all the way to the front door, so I'm going to the Chateau.

Kris: Oh Rob, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this after a long day at work - are you okay?

Rob: Yeah, I'm fine...now...since I'm talking to you. Um, will Jella be okay? Tell him I hate leaving him hanging.

Kris: I will, he's on my cell listening to this entire exchange and wailing...and cursing...something about sniveling little prats.

Rob: Tell him I will make him a whole grilled salmon for breakfast tomorrow and beg his forgiveness on bended knee.

Kris: He heard you, he says, and this is a quote: "King Chinook Salmon w/ a Teriyaki Glaze, and you have to wear a waiter's jacket and red cumberbun and feed it to him," and oh, says he's "sleeping in our bed tonight, and using your horrid puffy brown leather as a pillow."

Rob: (laughing) Alrighty then! If he's giving orders I know he'll survive.

Kris: How about you?

Rob: I. Miss. You. Bad.

Kris: (tremulously) Oh, Flip - I miss you too babe. I love you, get some rest.

Rob: I'll be dreaming of you in 3 cold ones and 45 minutes from now. Night babe.

Kris: (laughs) Night Rob.

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