PainIsMyRelease's JumboTweets
- OK, so life update! I owe it to you,My life changing plan hasn't massively moved on until today, today I had the balls to call the doctor and ask for an appointment, that's at 5:10 tonight... we will see how it goes, I'm glad that I've done it but also nervous, I'm sorry this hasn't come sooner, I had planned to do daily updates but I had also planned on making that phone call a few days ago, I hope my personal failings haven't affected you in the same way as they have affected people that i personally know (IRL) - I hope you don't mind me using that phrase/abbreviation, I appreciate you all! anyway, whether I know you or not. It's kinda hit home how real he situation is when you actually have a time and place to meet someone. The interesting thing that has been playing on my mind is that bad things come in threes, as said by my favorite movie - lucky number slevin - I'm not a movie promoter (I promise) I just really like good movies! and I've had 2 bad things happen recently - I didn't get the job I was hoping to get and my GF (now Ex) broke up with me and I'm wondering what the third is going to be... Its been playing on my mind a fair amount how people would introduce themselves after a memory loss kinda accident, however that may occur and also how i would introduce myself in he same situation; should it occur to anyone I know. I feel like I should continue on this topic but not tonight, and by tonight I mean this morning, Have a wonderful day and don't fail to let me know that you've seen this, all i takes is a reply/retweet/like anything like that and it makes me know that writing this while drunk (more effort than you'd imagine) is worth it and people are reading and maybe following in my footsteps...
- So I have been thinking a lot recently about growing up and when is the right time to grow up... I'm 20 and I drink half a bottle of rum a night, smoke 15 cigarettes a day and go out as much as possible - admitting this to a few followers on twitter is more difficult than you think. This isn't the cool drinking and smoking that you see in american high-school/college movies, this is more like the drinking and smoking that you see in the movie 'flight' (great movie if you haven't seen it). I don't do these things for fun, this is my (new) version of self harm, these things keep me thinking straight(ish) they keep me out of turmoil(ish) and they keep me sane(ish) however they don't keep the people that know me happy - and to an extent they don't keep me happy, I'm very seriously thinking about therapy, and I'm thinking about writing about this journey on here, twitter, where I started 4/5 years ago. The kick starter for this train of thought is my girlfriend, Cat, leaving me. I honestly don't know what made her fall out of love with me but I can promise that the smoking and the drinking definitely didn't help. Neither did the disrespect for my own life, or the difficulty sleeping without a drink. these things have caused me essentially nothing but trouble, sure some nights out have been fun but drink-driving home? probably not worth it - not that that will stop me from doing it again in the near future, however peeing in front of coworkers because you're blind drunk - that's less fun! So I'm going to need some intervention.... that's intervention that I'm planning on sorting out myself. No body else has forced me into this or anything else, and i respect that to an extent. I plan on changing my life around and sorting out my problems, but at my own pace, nothing is going to change straight away and I don't expect it to, also I'm not going to become totally sober, I just want my drinking and smoking to become social rather than daily. Anyway, check back tomorrow to see if I've started the path to growing up. Also let me know if you've read this - it would mean a lot...