by
Hcklbery
on 18/10/15
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Government Efficiency
• Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
• If you are excessive compulsive press 1 repeatedly,
• If your codependent ask someone to press 2 for you,
• If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5 and 6,
• If you are paranoid we know what you are and what you want stay on the line and we’ll trace your call,
• If you’re delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership,
• If you’re schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press,
• If your depressive it doesn’t matter which number you press because no one will answer you,
• If you’re dyslexic press 69, 69, 69, 69,
• If you have a nervous disorder please fidget with the hash key until the beep, after the beep please wait for the beep,
• If you have short-term memory loss, please try your call again later,
• And if you have low self-esteem please hang up for our operators are much too busy to be bothered with you